Bullies….

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A few days ago, I read an article about a teenager who took her own life because she was being bullied at school.

Now, this is not the first time I have heard about something like this but this time, I decided to write about it.

One of the most unfortunate things that can happen to anyone in life is to be mentally and verbally taunted; knowing you cannot do anything about it, teachers are helpless, the school is helpless and even your parents can’t seem to help you out of that situation.

Now, if you are currently being bullied at school, on Facebook, gym class, on the playground, at work, or wherever, here are a few things you need to know:

  1. MOST BULLIES HAVE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES AND TRY TO TAKE THAT OUT ON YOU: Now listen, this may sound ridiculous because they always seem tough and strong but that is only true because they have a way of getting a larger crowd on their side. Bullies hide their inadequacies and low self-esteem by being mean and rude to other people they feel or “perceive” to be weaker than them. The really cool and strong people don’t feel the need to speak down on other people, belittle them, or make them feel inadequate to assert themselves.Once you realize this, you can tell they are only playing mind games, something which you have now found out.  You now need to decide whether or not you want to keep letting them get to you. I know it is hard but believe me, BULLYING is a mind game.
  2. BELIEVE IN WHO YOU ARE AND WHO GOD SAYS YOU ARE REGARDLESS: Life is not fair and you will always meet VERY mean people almost everywhere you go. The best gift you can give to yourself is to “believe in yourself”. Believe in the person that you are and the potential that is within you. The bible says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, there is no other person in the world that is “exactly like you”. The more you learn to believe in yourself and who God says you are, the less concerned you get about what other people think about you. TRY it!!!
  3. IT IS OK TO BE DIFFERENT BUT IT IS NOT AN EASY ROAD: I love to be different, in fact, I don’t like and don’t want to be like everybody else, where is the fun in that? The thing is, people tend to judge what they do not understand; they try to bring down anything that is different from what they know. The fact that you are different, and don’t like the songs the coolest kids like, or you don’t wear the same clothes that they do, does not make you any less of a person. You have simply found yourself and decided to stick to who you are. NEVER let anyone make you feel less of yourself.
  4. YOUR WORLD IS NOT ABOUT TO END: I know sometimes, when you are being bullied, it can feel like your world is about to end and it is never going to get better, but it will. The bullies want you to feel the way you are feeling right now, they want you to “believe” that there is no reason to go on. That is however, the biggest lie ever! There is a much bigger world out there, where the bullies have absolutely no influence; they cannot affect who you are or who you are going to be. There is a world waiting for you out there, waiting for you to discover yourself and show the whole world how marvellous you really are!
  5. YOU CAN GET OUT OF IT: BULLIES rely on fear; they feed on weaknesses; that is their strategy. Once they begin to find out you are not afraid of them, or what they think about you, their attitude towards you will gradually begin to change. This is hard, I know, but you need to stop showing them any sign of weakness for them to feed on. Remember! You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are confident in who you are in God, you are smart, talented and beautiful, and you are the best!
  6. YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF YOUR LIFE: Never believe it when anyone says to you things like, “you will never amount to anything”, “you are not smart”, “you are ugly”, “nobody loves you”… You are going to make something out of your life! The only ones who will be left surprised and on the side-lines are the bullies.
  7. FIND A FRIEND YOU CAN RELY ON: Like I mentioned earlier, life can be tough, it is always nice to have someone you can talk to and tell how you really feel; a crying shoulder, a listening ear, someone who will never judge you for who you really are. It can be a brother, sister, friend, cousin, aunt, mother, father. Anyone you can trust!!!
  8. TALK TO GOD: God is the best friend you can have. You can talk to God about every, and anything without the fear of being judged. Pray to God always to strengthen you and give you the wisdom to deal with everyday issues as they arise.

Please feel free to send an email to me at tolukasali@yahoo.com if you need to talk or ask questions

Stay Strong!!!

xoxo

 

 

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Life as we kno…

Life as we know it

We look at life through our little clouded lenses, and what we often see is different from the reality that we face. Step back from that situation and maybe you will change your mind about that decision you are about to make. Quit making life changing decisions looking through skewed lenses. 

Making out time for what really matters

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The drive to succeed in life gets us out of bed most mornings; by the time we open our eyes, we can already think of a Thousand things that need to get done and a Thousand different ways things could have gone the day before.

We have a to-do-list longer than the early morning coffee queue and we cannot wait to get our hands dirty.

We stumble out of bed, mumble a prayer (if we remember to), get into the shower and rush out in 5 minutes or less, and off we go…

The day goes by, just as busy as the day before; endless phone calls, tight deadlines, ticking off the to-do-list, meetings and more meetings…

We soon begin to feel pangs of hunger and suddenly realize we have not had lunch yet – so we grab a bite and off we go again, back to whatever it is that has kept us so busy all day.

The day ends and the cycle continues.

Within these fast paced days, we have probably forgotten to return calls from Mum & Dad, left the kids at school longer than required, not prayed to God, or let’s just say you have mumbled to God all through the week, forgotten birthdays & anniversaries, and probably even failed to show up at the doctor’s office for an appointment.

No matter how busy the days and weeks get, let us learn to make time for the things that really matter. When all is said and done, the only people left in your life are the ones you never made time for. 

“Just Believe”

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So many times, life feels like a struggle, we push through the waves, trying as hard as we can; sometimes, even moving against the currents.

Morning after morning, we wake up with fresh enthusiasm thinking, “surely, today will be different”, “surely, today will bring something new, something better, something to celebrate, and perhaps, even something to get excited about”.

Then, the day comes by, and it goes, and it is just the same – “nothing new”, “nothing exciting”, and exactly just the way you left it the night before.

And then what? Do we throw in the towel and say we have had enough? Or do we continue to believe? – I will call it hope but in this instance, I choose not to.

So what shall we do?

We will hold on to the belief that something good is still going to happen

We will hold on to the belief that it is going to get better

We will believe that somehow, somewhere and someday, we are going to wake up and our belief would have worked for us.

So just believe!!!

When you get it…then what?

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So it is no secret that in life we are constantly chasing after something; it might be that dream job, moving into that new apartment, getting a pay rise at work, getting a promotion, getting married, writing a book, flying an air plane .whatever it is, we all have dreams that we are chasing.  To put it another way, “we are all chasing dreams”, but when we get what we have been going after, then what?

Does it usually bring you the sort of satisfaction that you had imagined? Does it really really make you as happy as you dreamed it would? Did it really solve all of your problems just as you had hoped it would? Did it feel like you had finally found the one thing you had been waiting for to complete yourself or did you just go on to have another dream to chase after?

In other words, do we really find long-term happiness and satisfaction in the things that we chase after or is it just an endless pursuit of happiness?

Fight Back!

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Time and time again, I hear people say stuff like “life is not fair”, “why does this always happen to me”, “you have no idea what I am going through”, I have tried over and over again but I never get it right”, “I am just going to throw in the towel”, “I give up”, “everyone else has an easier life than I do”.

By now, perhaps some of these phrases and sentences ring a bell; so is life really fair? The honest answer is “NO”, life isn’t fair; it never has been and never would be but are we going to throw a pity party every time life gets hard and we don’t get what we want?

I agree that so many times, we try really really hard, we give it all of our best and much more and it just still seems like we are not getting any closer to our dreams and then we pick ourselves up and try again, give it our best shot and it seems like it even gets worse and we try, try, and try again…

The question that begins to come to our mind sometimes is how long do I have to try? How long do I have to keep fighting for? How many times do I have to be rejected for that job before I stop trying?  How many times do I have to re-sit that exam? How long do I have to wait to reach my goal? How far? How long? How hard?

And the answer is, as long as you have breath in you, you have to keep fighting! As long as you have hope, don’t give up, as long as you have a dream, follow it! As long as you have an idea, build on it! As long as you are creative, keep at being innovative! As long as you can be diligent, keep working hard! Whatever you do just keep on keeping on!

When life throws you an unfair punch, then you need to hit back, it is OK to be startled for a little while to absorb what just happened but don’t stay down too long for it to be called out as a “wining knock-out”  against you.

Fight back with everything you have and all that is in you, that final punch just might be what you need to win; so when life hits hard at you, fight back!

The Joy is in the Journey

Sometimes when we achieve the things we strive for, we find they’re not very fulfilling. As we look back we realize that our greatest joy was not in the goal we reached, but in the growth we experienced on the way to it. Scientist Koichi Tanaka describes this phenomenon and how it can come about during the enjoyable pursuit of a dream. As he worked on trying to create an ion with lasers, he says: ‘I failed for weeks and months before I succeeded in making an ion’ why did I continue the experiment? Because I enjoyed it! It was fun for me to come to know something that I had never known before, and that fun enabled me to persist.’ That persistence helped him to win a Nobel Prize in chemistry. You have the potential to make many wonderful discoveries in life, and none greater than what you discover about God, and yourself. One leadership expert writes: ‘The pursuit of my dream has taken me out of my comfort zone, elevated my thinking, given me confidence, and confirmed my sense of purpose. My pursuit of the dream and my personal growth have become so intertwined that I now ask myself, Did I make the dream, or did the dream make me?’ When your mind accepts a new idea or learns a new truth, it’s forever changed. And once stretched, it takes on a new shape and never goes back to its original form. When that happens, you experience true fulfillment. No wonder children’s book author Elizabeth Coatsworth said,

‘When I dream, I am ageless.’

Credit: The UCB Word for Today 

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